I had just arrived at my office in Bracknell after a morning of client visits when my mobile phone rang with a message from Mum. She had been called by the Doctors in Lavant Ward at St Richard’s Hospital to say that Dad was gravely ill and that she should come into the hospital to be with him. I arranged a taxi straight away to pick her up from home and I jumped in my car and drove straight down to Chichester to be with her. We were told that Dad had asked the doctors to stop his medication and let him die and when asked where he wanted to die he apparently insisted that he die in Hospital and not be moved home. In these circumstances they put a patient on a programme that is called the Liverpool Care Plan and it involves stopping medication, food and water and just giving the patient a level of care and pain relief that is needed to keep them comfortable while they pass away. Dad was already on the LCP by the time we arrived at St Richard’s.
My Dad has been in Hospital for 11 weeks altogether. He was taken in to Bognor Regis War Memorial Hospital on 2 February when he fell at home for the third time in a few days and had to call out the paramedics. They suggested he go into A&E to be checked out. From there he spent 3 weeks in Bognor, the purpose being to rehabilitate him and help him to walk again properly using a walking frame. I was annoyed with the ward there though as they never put Dad’s legs up during the day so the water retention problem that had been causing his legs to swell in the previous months now escalated out of control and his poor body filled up with liquid. I kept asking them to find a stool to put his legs up but it fell on deaf ears and they just kept saying that they couldn’t find a stool!! He ended up being moved into Lavant Ward in Chichester Hospital so that they could try and drain the excess water from his body. Over the next 7 weeks we watched dad get increasingly worse, the size of his limbs did eventually start to subside but he was clearly very ill by this time and I could tell that he was dying. The Doctors never said that however and led us to believe that dad would be coming home. We spent a great deal of time preparing for this event, equipping the house with the necessary aids he would need and arranging for carers to come in 4 times a day to look after him. So it was a big shock on Friday 13 April to get that call to say that he was dying.
I arrived at the Hospital at 14.00 and joined Mum at Dad’s bedside. The curtains had been pulled around him and I asked if he could be moved into a single room but they had nothing available. Dad did stir at one point and the nurses came to administer some morphine to make him more comfortable. Saboohi drove down to be with us late afternoon and I was glad to have her there as she was able to take Mum home in the evening to get some rest. I contacted Bryan and Margaret who were holidaying in Nerja, Spain and they quickly booked a flight home. We were not sure however if they would get to the Hospital before Dad passed away, they couldn’t get a flight until Saturday and we worked it out that they would get to us at the Hospital for about 9 o’clock on Saturday night. We just hoped and prayed that they would make it in time.
I decided to stay with Dad for the night. I couldn’t bear to leave him, what he passed away during the night and we weren’t there? I wanted to be with him, for one of us to be with him. Iwas given a blanket and pillow by the staff who were very kind and kept checking on me through the evening. I was given a bedroom nearby too so that I could get some proper rest during the night and I took advantage of this for a few hours in the early hours of the morning. It was amazingly quiet sitting with Dad through the night. He didn’t stir at all, he was in a comatose state now, and the patients slept quite quietly too.
Saboohi and Mum were back with us by breakfast time and a long day of vigil commenced. Dad ‘s breathing remained smooth and constant throughout the day and he was unchanged, thankfully, by the time Bryan, Margaret, Anna and Ella arrived in the evening. Anna and Ella had insisted on coming to see their Grandad, Laura however had not been told about Dad’s decline as she was away on a Birthday break in Dublin with friends. We were all hoping and praying that Dad would not pass away on Laura’s birthday. Mum and I left the Hospital at about 10 pm and Margaret and Bryan stayed with Dad until the early hours.
On Sunday we started to see a change in Dad’s breathing, it became more laboured and we knew it wouldn’t be long now before we would be saying goodbye to him. The Chaplain came around at 10.30 to read a prayer with us and to bless him. Laura and Ella called in to see him too before leaving for home at about midday. I was alone with Dad for 15 mins while everyone else walked outside to say good bye to the girls. All weekend we have been talking to Dad, kissing him and holding his hand in the hope that he knows we are there. As soon as Margaret, Bryan and Mum came back into the cubicle his breathing became very shallow and I could tell he was leaving us. We all gathered around him, Mum held his hand and I held Mum while Bryan and Margaret stood on the other side of the bed. And Dad....took his final breath. It was so gentle and serene. If there is such a thing as a beautiful death then we had just experienced it. We called the nurse and she took his pulse. His heart was still beating but it was faint. We always knew Dad’s heart would not let him down. He had the heart of an elephant (so his doctor had told him) and we knew that it would be the last thing to let him down. Dad died at 13.00 on Sunday 15 April 2012. We will all miss him terribly.
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